“Set your heart on things above not below.” “Wait on God’s
timing.” “Learn to love your own company.” “Find your identity in Christ.”
These are but a few things I heard and read when I was single and broken. I’m still single, but I’m not that desperate
woman defined by her loneliness anymore. I hated the many books I read from
marrieds and other Christian relationship gurus trying to school singles on
“the wait.” I thought they were pat responses from those who had made it to
coupledom. They didn’t know what I was going through. They were simply saying
what sounded spiritual. Their words lacked any practicality and only the super
dedicated could ever hope to fulfill their ideals. I often cried about my
singleness. I lived Psalm 42:3, “My tears have been my food day and night.” My pillow was always soaked with tears. I
felt invisible and unattractive. I just knew that I was cursed. I could not
understand why this one thing eluded me. When I came to Christ in 2009, I was
in a “relationship” that I desperately wanted to culminate in marriage. He was perfect,
at least to me. We had such a wonderful connection, but God had other plans.
Our “relationship” abruptly ended in late 2010. I picked up my phone to dial
his number so many times, but the Holy Spirit said, “don’t do it,” and I didn’t.
In addition to the “break-up”, I was also dealing with the death of my
grandmother. It was all so overwhelming. There was really no one to turn to.
Although, my relationship was very important to me, I didn’t talk much about
him. It’s not that I didn’t want to; it felt awkward. I was always the girl
without a boyfriend. Therefore, unloading my pain and confusion on others was
not something I wanted to do.
During this time, I found myself alone with God. I sat in my
secret place and cried out to Him. God was truly my Comforter. He healed me in
a variety of ways. The memories that were created during this time of communion
with Him are so dear to my heart. God was there for me in a tangible way. I
asked Him to pull the weeds of sin and discord from my heart. I asked Him to
make me whole. When you pray, be careful what you ask for, especially if it’s a
hard thing. God will answer every genuine pray for sanctification and it may not
be in the ways you like. He answered the prayers I lifted up for wholeness. One
day, I realized I hadn’t cried about my singleness for a long time. I hadn’t
cried watching “Say Yes to the Dress” in a long time. I was happier with my
life and myself in general. I was getting stronger and stronger each passing
month. The Lord gave me the courage to discard a collection of artifacts I had
saved from the “relationship” such as plane ticket stubs, a Mizpah necklace, and
text messages. I deleted the instant messages I read repeatedly like a junky
and the internet stalking ceased. It was truly amazing. The ideal of a woman
being whole and content in her singleness was becoming a reality in my life and
I marveled. The marrieds and Christian relationship gurus were right after all.
I didn’t hate them anymore; they were my friends now. I could take their books
out of the box labeled “for the bonfire.” I had truly arrived at the place I
like to call the “sweet spot of singleness.”
Yes, my brothers and sisters there is such a place, but you
have to being willing to let God lead you by the hand, often blindfolded. He
will not consult you on the best route to get there. He will not ask if you are
enjoying the trip. God is not interested in getting anyone to coupledom for the
sake of romantic love. We have our notions of soul mates, love, and romance,
but Jesus didn’t die for us to meet the man or woman of our dreams and live
happily ever after. The Lord wants us to be joyful and content, but He wants us
to find our contentment in Him, not any person, relationship, or circumstances.
He desires we be transformed into the image of Christ. Jesus will present His
bride to “himself as a radiant church, without stain or wrinkle or any other
blemish, but holy and blameless” (Ephesians 5:27). That is God’s foremost will
for us.
I get it, I really do. You are sick and tired of being sick
and tired of waiting on God’s timing. You’ve grown tired of dateless Friday and
Saturday evenings. You want to shut the mouths of your family and friends who
pester you at every gathering about when you’re going to walk down the aisle
and have babies. You want companionship. You want to be loved and
appreciated. You are fed up with relationship/engagement/be content with your
singleness posts on your Facebook, Twitter and Instagram.
Is the journey difficult? Yes, but it’s worth it. Jesus is
truly my Savior. He saved me from sin, death, and God’s wrath, but He saved me
from myself as well. You may not want to hear it, but if Jesus is not the One
you’re completely satisfied in, then life is never going to get much better.
You’re always going to focus on what you don’t have rather than what God has
already done for you. You have the privilege of a relationship with the Alpha
and Omega, the Everlasting God, don’t cheat yourself. I’m not saying you have
to relinquish your desires for a spouse completely, but don’t let it become your
breakfast, lunch, and dinner. Don’t let it depress you and consume your every
thought. Don’t let it exhaust your tear ducts so you won’t have any tears left
for those heartwarming moments of life. Give your pillows a break. Jesus is enough,
if you let Him be. Seek Him intentionally, regularly, and passionately; He’s
waiting.
A few questions, if you never get married, will God still
hold the same place in your heart? Will you still trust Him and proclaim His
faithfulness? Will you go out of the bounds of His will to meet your desires or
submit to His sovereign purpose for your life? If we allow singleness to become
a rope that binds us in loneliness, bitterness, and anxiety, we will never be
content with our lot in life. When we let God be God, we can proclaim with Job,
“though he slay me, yet will I trust in Him” (Job 13:15).
